The Schroder Family

We made it home from our weekend trip to London this morning. So far I think this was our favorite trip we have been on. Driver’s driving on the opposite side of the road, and driving on the opposite side of their cars. It was nice to be in an English speaking country, LOL. We had a guided bus tour where we were able to get out and take photos. While there we saw the Big Ben, London Tower, London Bridge, Tower Bridge, the London Eye, and more I am sure. During our trip all four of us had our first rides on a train, which is how we got around the city once we were given our free time. We went to the first Hard Rock Cafe for lunch, so far we have gone to a Hard Rock on each trip. We also went to the Ripley’s Believe It Or Not Museum, that was interesting. I think the Thames River Cruise was a favorite for all four of us. It was the end of our trip and we were able to relax on a boat ride and see the sites at a better view. We could have easily spent two or three more days there seeing the sites and attractions. I would definitely like to go back someday.
We took alot of photos on this trip. More than we did for our Spain trip, LOL. I didn’t upload all of them, just the best ones.

I’ve never been good at making them. I’ve always worried people will not like me and add in the shyness, never works out well. Until high school I was always the loner on the playground at school. Chalk it up to low self esteem. Quite depressing really. I have made some really good friends since Brett has been in the military, especially at this base. I guess there is more camaraderie seeing as how we are all in the same boat under very similar circumstances. As much as I hate it here, I have always said that what I will miss most about leaving here are the friends that I will be leaving. In the next few months 2 of the 3 friends I have made here are leaving. Fortunately Tawni and her family move the same month we do. Jennifer’s move was expected, but Danel’s was not, which has been the hardest to deal with since it has come suddenly. We all have kids (Cailey’s age) that play together. This is not the first time I have had to say good-bye to friends because of military, leaving Georgia was tough as well. Colvin also had a hard time with the move from Georgia. His best friend is the daughter of my friend Suzanne, who I said good-bye to. Every time Colvin is really upset, mad, or sick he wants to go back to Georgia. More than once while casually talking about “when he grows up” he has said that he will be living in Georgia. So, with Cailey having made so many little friends I wonder how she will be? She is a social butterfly, quite the opposite of Brett, Colvin, and I. Maybe because she is so young it won’t be so bad for her.

Sorry for another downer post, I’ve been feeling a bit depressed and had to vent.

On a lighter note, we are off to London this weekend. We missed the Paris trip because Colvin was sick (with Strep Throat), thankfully he is better now that he is on antibiotics, and we plan to reschedule that trip for this summer. So check the photo albums next week for photos from our trip.
Click To View our Travel Photo Albums or Click To View All Photo Albums

We went on our Berlin trip last weekend, I posted photos from that trip in the Berlin album. This weekend we have a trip to Paris, and next weekend we are off to London. After London we have a couple weeks to recoup. Pregnancy this time around has not been very kind to me unfortunately. I enjoy having the opportunity to be able to take these trips, just wish I could enjoy them without the pain and discomfort from SPD. It is better to travel now before I hit the 3rd trimester or before having an infant to pack for and travel with.

Once again, I have SPD with this pregnancy. I had it with Cailey as well, but this time it’s much worse. This time it started taking effect by the time I was 12 weeks pregnant. SPD stands for Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction. It causes an over-production of the Relaxin hormone. Relaxin causes the muscles of the symphysis pubis and sacroiliac joints (bones and joints in the pelvis) to relax. During the last week of pregnancy, this promotes greater movement at these joints, which allows for the passage of the fetus through the birth canal. Unfortunately, these ligaments occasionally loosen too much and too early, so the normally stable pelvis moves, which is painful. Last week, while laying in bed, Brett had come in the room and had placed one hand on my hip and the other on the bed and leaned over me. Normally that wouldn’t cause pain, but it had felt like my pelvis was being compressed and had caused a sharp pain in my lower belly. When I got out of bed 10 minutes later my bones in my pelvis had shifted back into place. That is a very disturbing feeling to say the least, lol. My OB doctor sent me to an orthopedic specialist, but the specialist would not listen to me. I showed him on the skeleton in the room where I was having pain, just to avoid any issue with language barriers. He popped my back and sent me on my way. I was very upset and will not go back to this doctor. I am going to try and go once more, to a different specialist of course, to see what can be done.

We finally got our new van. Not the 2009 we were intending to get but still a nice van. It is a 2007 Honda Odyssey Touring Edition. It has 50,000 miles on it and has Front and Rear sensors on the bumpers, Rear DVD Entertainment, Heated Seats, Power Locks, Power Windows, Power Mirrors, Power Seats, Power Moon Roof, Cruise Control, Keyless Entry, A/C, 6 disc CD Changer, and Alloy Wheels. We all really like it and now we won’t have to worry about how we are all going to fit in one car when the baby gets here.

**EDIT**
Well since Brett was unable to register the vehicle today because the lien is still in the previous owners name, he is going to keep looking. Really hoping that USAA Bank will step it up into high gear.

Since neither of our current vehicles are large enough to hold a 3rd car seat once the baby arrives we bought a new to us car. (German law requires Colvin to be in a booster seat until he is 12 years old) It is a 2009 Honda Odyssey EX-L! It has an automatic transmission finished in Silver with Gray leather interior with 41,600 Miles. I can’t wait til we can pick it up, maybe tomorrow is what Brett is saying. It will be the first car I have had that is automatic and has electric windows and locks in almost 6 years. LOL. Brett was the primary driver of our truck while I had our Ford Focus with manual transmission and power nothing. Since I drove further to work and it had better gas mileage that was my car. Now we need to focus on getting the BMW fixed up to sell and get it out of our hair. We will post a pic or two once we get it.

Features include

Rear DVD Entertainment
Heated Seats
Power Locks
Power Windows
Power Mirrors
Power Seats
Power SunRoof
Cruise Control
Keyless Entry
A/C
CD Changer
Alloy Wheels

Just a little vent from me after a challenging week with kids that is not really Facebook material. I have been feeling frustrated. I feel like I need a weekend (at least) without kids, somewhere nice and relaxing, just Brett and I. But until we are out of Germany that is just a dream. I broke down while making dinner tonight, quietly, and without being harassed by Cailey.

Sometimes I wonder, mostly on days like this afternoon when Cailey is being especially challenging, that maybe she left because she couldn’t handle it. I could never leave my kids, so I will never really understand why.

I have a brother and sister who don’t feel the same way about the situation that I do. So I don’t discuss this with them. Maybe it is because they were alot younger than I was at the time. I have never talked to her, and likely never will either. So I vented here since my audience is small and it’s not a completely public forum like Facebook.

Sorry for the downer post, just one of those days.

It’s not just the pregnancy hormones that made me get all teary-eyed again. Even though it is not a sappy song by any means, it’s not the first time this song made me tear up, of course the last time I did was when we were home visiting before our big move to Germany. *sigh* Soon we will be back in the states and at least be closer to home. Maybe once the kids are grown and Brett is retired we will move back home, LOL.

I know some of you don’t like country, but I listen to the words of the songs and enjoy it, so tough luck. LOL

I know I overdid the LOL’s and smiley faces, even though it is not how I really feel, I had to lighten it up so as to not bring everyone else down.

We just returned from Spain on Friday. We did not make it on the Bavarian Castle tour that we had planned earlier in the month. Cailey was really sick so we canceled. She ended up having pneumonia. Luckily we caught it early and she was put on Augmentin for 10 days which unfortunately spanned into our Spain trip. Other than Cailey and I recovering from being sick it was a nice trip for the most part. There a few things I would have liked to have been better but nothing I could have done about it. It was a 14 hour drive there and 14 hour drive back. I think both Brett and I are in agreement that we will not be taking anymore trips with that long of a drive. The kids did alright considering how long it was. For the most part it was uneventful until the end of each drive. On the way there, after 13.5 hours on the bus Cailey puked all over herself and me. On the way back she went into complete meltdown mode, it was late and fortunately she saved it for when we were finally getting off the bus. The fun didn’t end there though, after my car sat in the parking lot for a week, it decided not to start for us. The engine would not even turn. This, of course, was not discovered til after the tour bus and the few other people who were dropped off with us were already gone. It was late (after midnight), and those who lived close by either were out of town or not answering their phones. Amazingly after about an hour the car decided to start. All that aside though, it was a nice trip.

Here is a slide show of some of the photos from our trip. Or you can go directly to the album itself here.

We have finally had the time and finances to book some trips. It is better to do them now than to wait til later when I am further along or after I have the baby and it gets put off. Before we know it we will be moving (Can’t wait!) and we want to be sure to take advantage of being in Europe by traveling. I booked our trips on base here at the Information Tickets and Travel office and though they are shorter trips and may cost a little more than if we went on our own, at least we will have a guided tour showing us what we want to see instead of not knowing where to start. This way if we have the opportunity to go again we will know what to expect (I hope).



March 31 ~ Bavarian Castles Express to include Neuschwanstein and Hohenschwangau castles.

Enjoy the majesty and enchantment of Bavaria’s Castles & Capital!
You depart the Eifel region early Saturday morning with a breakfast stop (not included) en route to our first stop the “fairytale castle” Neuschwanstein, the most famous and magnificent of King Ludwig’s Bavarian castles. Neuschwanstein was built in the 19th century in the late Romanesque style and served as the model for Cinderella’s castle at Disneyland. This is undoubtedly the most visited of the King Ludwig’s castles, even though only about one-third of the castle was completed. After the castle tour and lunch, you will depart for Hohenschwangau; King Ludwig’s childhood residence built by his father King Maximilian II of Bavaria. After a tour of Hohenschwangau, you will have free time to explore the grounds. Hohenschwangau is a “small” perfect jewel set in the German village of Schwangau. Both of these majestic castles are well worth seeing!

April 6 ~ Spain Ole 5 Overnights with a tour of Barcelona.

Let your troubles drift away on the beaches of Lloret de Mar!
You depart the Eifel region in the evening with an early morning breakfast stop (not included) in France before arriving in Spain at approximately noon. You will then check into your hotel in Lloret de Mar, the most visited vacation resort along the beaches of Costa Brava. As well as beaches, Lloret also boasts a rich cultural and natural heritage. Iberian settlements, medieval castles, hermitages and gardens illustrate the history of the town. This is a paradise for nature lovers. Hiking, mountain biking, snorkeling, scuba diving and kayaking are some of the many activities that will enable the visitor to explore every nook and cranny. Shoppers will enjoy exploring Lloret’s winding back streets, where you can buy everything from custom-made candles to three-foot sombreros. At night, Lloret is hopping with discos and dance clubs. There will be a day excursion to Barcelona, Spain’s second largest city and capital of Catalonia. During your tour of the city you may see the famous ‘Sagrada Familia’ cathedral and ‘Casa Mila’, both by Antonio Gaudi; the beautiful harbor with the Columbus Monument; Montjuic Mountain or the Olympic Stadium of the 1992 games. You will depart for home after hotel checkout with a dinner stop (not included) in France and an early morning arrival in the Eifel.

April 27 ~ Berlin

Come and visit Germany’s Capital! The history is up close and personal in this amazing city! We depart the Eifel late in the evening and travel through the night to Berlin. We will enjoy a wonderful tour of Germany’s capital city, which was previously divided by the Berlin Wall until its fall on November 9, 1989. We will see many historic sights such as the Berliner Dom (Berlin Cathedral, entrance fee not included), the Brandenburg Gate, 1936 Olympic Stadium, Kaiser Wilhelm Memorial, the Reichstag (site of many of Hitler’s infamous speeches and today the place where the Bundestag, or German parliament, meets), Holocaust Memorial, Konigsplatz with its Goddess of Victory, and Checkpoint Charlie. You will also see many remains of the Berlin wall during your tour! Afterwards, you will have free time to enjoy the cosmopolitan atmosphere of this city while having lunch or doing a bit of shopping. After a full day in this historic city, we will depart for home. This is definitely a must-see city after the Wall’s collapse and rebirth of the former and present German capital!

May 5 ~ Paris

Highlighting the Best of Paris so you have the best tour!
We depart the Eifel region and drive to France with a breakfast stop (not included) en route. We will start our Parisian adventure with a guided city tour. We will then have some free time for lunch (not included) and sightseeing at the Ile de la Cite, home of the famous Notre Dame Cathedral. Afterwards, we will check into the hotel and then have the remainder of the evening free, to sightsee and to view the city lit up at night in its entire splendor. Sunday after breakfast (included) and hotel checkout, you will enjoy free time to see such sites as the Louvre Museum, home to such works as the Mona Lisa and Venus de Milo, the exciting neighborhood of Montmarte, home to the Basilica of Sacre Coeur and Painter’s Square. Paris offers a multitude of choices for your free time. Be sure to bring a padlock with you and your love’s name on it to “secure your love” and attach it to the famous Pont des Arts Bridge! Then throw the key into the river. Take a sightseeing cruise on the Seine River, enjoy the atmosphere and cuisine of a French café or restaurant, and experience the impressiveness of Napoleon’s Tomb at the Hotel des Invalides and military museum. View art in the architectural wonder of the Musee d’Orsay, a renovated rail station. See Rodin’s sculptures, Picasso’s art, or shop in the charming boutiques. After a fun day, we will depart Paris with a dinner stop en route (not included) and head for home. Whatever your interests are, Paris has something for everyone!

May 11 ~ London

Have a jolly good time in merry old England!!
You depart the Eifel late Friday night and drive to Calais, France where you will board the ferry to cross the English Channel to Dover, England. After arriving at the White Cliffs of Dover you will pass through customs (passports will be checked) and continue driving to London. Your guided city tour will highlight many of the main sights of London which may include Buckingham Palace, the Houses of Parliament and Big Ben, St. Paul’s Cathedral, the Tower of London, Westminster Abbey, Trafalgar Square, Piccadilly Circus, and more. After the guided tour, you will have free time to explore London on your own where you can visit some other famous sights such as the original Hard Rock Café, or the original Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum, to shop or go back to some of the famous sights that interested you. In the evening you will depart for Dover and board the ferry to return home to the Eifel.

I am really slacking this year on posts (well last year I guess). A lot has happened in the last 3 months, some good and some not so good.

Brett is home now as you all know. He returned home very sick, along with many others from Norovirus(click Norovirus if you want to know what it is). I believe he was one in over five hundred that were struck down with this. We had to pick him up at the hospital because he was so dehydrated and had passed out on the plane ride home. He slept for almost the first 24 hours he was home. We didn’t get the reunion we were expecting, but at least he is home. After about a week he was feeling better, which was just in time for my outpatient surgery.



My outpatient surgery was for a mass in my left lower abdomen that had been causing me discomfort for a few years. The surgery did not go as planned by any means. I am not sure how they did not notice the extreme inflation on my left side which looked like I had a cantaloupe underneath my skin. I woke up crying and in pain. Pain meds weren’t helping. Nurses kept giving me more and more pain meds in my IV, but were not concerned with my freakish expansion on my left side. It started feeling like when I would cry that my abdomen was inflating like a balloon, very disturbing to say the least. My roommate got the nurse AND a doctor (FINALLY a doctor!!!). Doctor said I needed to go back into surgery. He left for a minute and came back and said the O.R. was full and that he was going to take me to the E.R., give me a local anesthetic, and try and stop the bleeding. My options were to look up at the reflective panel while doc was doing his thing, stare at the nurses who were holding my hands and brushing my hair back trying to keep me awake, or to stare at the monitor and watch my heart rate and blood pressure. I chose option C. I watched my BP get down to 40/36 and my pulse drop to 36 bpm. As scary as it was, it gave me something to focus on to stay awake (at the time, I was hoping and praying at this point that I would stay awake). Unfortunately doc had no luck fixing it in the E.R., he went to check the O.R. and came back and rushed me into the O.R. where I was put under to be cut open for a third time in a couple hours (I think). This time I woke up in much less pain, but had four more nights in the hospital totaling 5 days, a nasty purple and blue bruise that was 13″ X 5″ (I thought about photographing it, but the size and colors were quite disturbing, LOL), along with two weeks bed rest ahead of me. All because of a nicked vein. Maybe they should not have given me the blood thinner before surgery. Hmm, just a thought. Something for me to remember in the future.



The kids are doing well. They enjoyed Christmas and New Years Eve. We had a quiet Christmas at home with gifts and dinner later in the day. New Years we had some friends and their families over to celebrate with food, games, and fireworks. The kids all played well together and we had quite a full house, children out numbered the adults I am sure.



Brett and I have two new nephews, Carter Mason born on Christmas day to my sister Sarah and brother in law Josh, and Trevor James born on January 4th to my brother Josh and sister in law Amy. Also, speaking of babies, on January 14th Brett and I found out we are expecting! My estimated due date is September 23, 2012. Here is a video I put together for you all to view.

Click on this image to see the video.

We will not be moving back to the states as we were expecting to, so we will be here another 2 years. It was quite the blow, was not what we expected to happen at all. I have shed my tears about it and I am sure there will be more, especially on the bad days. Not much else I can do but suck it up and keep busy. They said that they have confirmed the needed services are available within the Spangdahlem AFB locale. Which is a bunch of baloney. I have an appointment with my doctor next week. I am sure he will be very surprised that it was rejected. He used to run the program in Turkey and said that there was pretty much 100% approval. So I think now our focus is going to be on traveling as much as we possibly can, and hope that another deployment will not happen in the next in 16 months or so. If a deployment comes up and he has an upcoming PCS (move to new base) during the time the deployment would be, he won’t go on the deployment. Not going to hold my breath on that though, I am sure we can expect at least one more deployment in our next 21 months here.

Brett is due back very soon!!! That outweighs all the negative right now. I can’t give out dates (not that I have an exact date yet) but if you know when my birthday is, then you can figure he will be home right around 6 weeks before my birthday!! You won’t know when he is going to be home, until he is already home. We will let you all know, one way or another. I was talking to a photographer in MOMS Club and if she is available she is going to photograph his homecoming!! She does excellent photos. She did the photos in the photo books I sent to grandparents. If you haven’t seen them yet, click on photo of Colvin and Cailey above. I really hope she can do our photos for Brett’s return.

In my last post I showed you a photo of a bracelet I made. I have made a few more since then. I changed them a bit, and they are now much better. I have figured that I can also make key chains with these name tapes as well. I have brought this forward to MOMS Club and to other wives within the squadron. I hesitated with the squadron because there are so many spouses. So right now I do have some orders (few ladies I don’t even know), gotta love Facebook for that. Right now the amount I have to make is manageable. I have 18 of the 24 bracelets and key chains remaining and have received payment for the 6 I have completed. Clicking on the photo of the bracelet above will show you the ones I have made so far.

I have also recently uploaded a bunch of photos, so check them out. My next post probably will not be until after Brett is back home.

That’s the best I could come up with for a title, sorry. Haha. It’s about how I feel at the moment. So ready for all of this to end already. Ready for Brett to be home and ready to find out where we are going next. I am feeling beat down physically, probably because I am beat down emotionally and exhausted. It would be wonderful if everything would just go smoothly. But with kids, even under normal circumstances, that isn’t going to happen unless you take them to grandma or grandpa, or an aunt and uncle while you do the things you need to or want to do. I would love to go get my hair done and maybe go with a friend to the spa for a couple hours. I am stretched thin, not physically haha, I am working on that too.

Brett has been deployed for thirty three days now. He got to work immediately upon arriving there. Had one day off a couple days later and has only recently gotten his second day off a few days ago. He has been working at least twelve hour days, maybe longer on some days. So he has been really worn down. He is the NCOIC, which is Non Commissioned Officer in Charge for the night shift. I told this to a friend of his who he worked with, and he said that Brett is the best man for the job. It made me feel proud to hear that about him. I am glad that the base he is at is closing down because it means he may come home early (he says he may be home a month before my birthday!) but it also stinks for him too because a lot of the services are either gone or about to be soon. The post office closed there a few days after he arrived there so I sent out one large package to him. I figure I would rather send too much than not enough, besides there are plenty of people he can share with there. The chow hall may have already, if not it is soon. Internet in a lot of locations is gone. He found an area the other day that still has internet, which I hope it remains a little while longer so we can still Skype on occasion or at least emails.

Cailey has just been pushing every button she can. She has started to really rebel since Brett deployed. She misses him and is acting out because he is not here. We have gone two steps back with her being potty trained. I broke down earlier this week and bought pull-ups after I had to change her sheets 6 times in 2 days over the weekend. Even in early stages of potty training she was always dry when she woke. Now she won’t even be asleep when she does it (most of the time). I refuse to let her wear them during the day, only while in bed. I make her go before bed at night, and the other night 5 minutes after I shut her door she walks out to me to tell me she peed the bed. She had not even gone to sleep yet and was wearing a pull-up!! She has also been having accidents once or twice during the day as well. She was past that stage way before Brett left and now it has started all over again. She has been more aggressive and destructive. In a 90 minute window Cailey managed to paint her toes and their nails (luckily for me that was it), after cleaning that up I find that she has spilled out contents of her bean bag chair in my office, I was not even done cleaning up the bean bag chair when she had an accident and got it on the floor (and it wasn’t just pee). At that point I put her in the shower to play and stay out of trouble while I finished cleaning messes. After shower I put her to bed and then found another mess she snuck in there with flashcards. Haha, that is just a taste from less than a whole day of the little storms she brews up. I don’t think I need to go into tantrums. I will say she is two and they are now magnified times two of Cailey proportions. That is all I will say about that, LOL.

Colvin has been more easily frustrated. Well he has always been easily frustrated about little things that really shouldn’t be a big deal. But now it is more exaggerated. I received a phone call from the school nurse a couple weeks ago because Colvin had hurt his hand while getting ready to leave for the day. She said he stabbed himself in the hand with his pencil. He got mad when his folder would not go into his backpack as he expected it to. His hand is finally about healed up. Not sure what came over him, he has never done anything like that before. Luckily he hasn’t since either. Oh, and he also broke our kitchen cabinet door by swinging on it after being told multiple times of course not to do that. I think, more like I hope I have it fixed because they were new when we moved in two years ago. I guess time will tell. On a more positive note, he is doing well in school. I have not talked with his teacher in almost two weeks to know if there is any improvement in controlling his emotions in class. The only other thing that was an issue was that he has difficulty getting started on tasks but he seemed to be doing better. He has also been having spelling tests and so far both spelling tests he has taken he has gotten them all right! The photo next to this paragraph is a copy of his two spelling tests so far.

Even though they have been difficult little people lately, they do have their sweet sides. Looking at this photo makes one wonder how I could possibly say that they are anything but sweet. If only days like these happened more frequently, it would make things a bit easier around here.

Well I have not been at my highest point lately. The other day I was having a really bad day. Feeling sad and angry all at once, nothing was going right. I was actually going to make a call home but couldn’t and I lost it. Two of our three phones are able to call back to the states, and wouldn’t you know it all the phones for both were dead. Our German house phone has the battery life of about twelve hours. So basically if I don’t have it on the charger all day or during the night it will be dead when I need it. The other phone has two cordless phones and one of them had been shoved behind my monitor by a certain toddler residing in this house, and the other was taken off the charger beside the TV, actually the charger itself was missing, the phone was lying on the floor behind the TV stand it sits on, dead. This is when I lost my cool and had to just go to my room and let it out alone. Of course Cailey couldn’t let me do that. She kept opening my door and either laughing or demanding juice. She WOULD NOT leave me be for a few minutes. I finally sat on my floor to block my door so I could have a moment to cool down. She was really angering me at this point and I needed to cool off before seeing her.

Of course it’s not like this every day. I have occupied some of my free time with my sewing machine. I still have a couple more projects I want to do as well. Here is a few of the things I have whipped up in the last couple weeks. The bracelet on Cailey’s wrist was from this afternoon.

The bracelet I made is a bit small since it is for Cailey. She loves it and has not taken it off since I put it on her almost 12 hours ago which is saying a lot for her. I plan on making myself one as soon as the stuff I ordered gets here. (reason 136 on why I am ready to leave Germany)Tomorrow I am making Colvin one with velcro closure on it. If anyone is interested in one leave me a comment on this post. For now, I can make either Schroder or US Air Force. I know that I can custom order the embroidery on them, I just need to find where. I have some charms coming in the mail to add to them, which is why I am holding off on making mine. Once I make mine I will post pictures of mine and Colvin’s.

True love. <3

Click on this image to see the video.

Some of you already know, some don’t, but I have been seeing a therapist for almost two years now. I have been really down and irritable this past month and have been having difficulty dealing with everything. Of course, I have been through all this before. The other day, for the second time over the last year and a half, my therapist suggested that Brett go to the EFMP office( Exceptional Family Member Program) on base.



It’s a mandatory enrollment program that works with other military agencies to provide comprehensive and coordinated community support, educational, and medical services to families with special needs. Soldiers on active duty enroll in the program when they have a family member with a physical, emotional, developmental, or intellectual disorder requiring specialized services so their needs can be considered in the military personnel assignment process.



I don’t see myself as having “special needs”, but that is how the Air Force will now label me because of my diagnosis. Major Depressive Disorder (recurring) with abandonment issues. My therapist used to run the program when he was in Turkey. He says that it has 100% approval, unless you are just making stuff up to try and get to another base. What would happen is that we would be moved back to the states where there is a base with Brett’s job and where there are more resources for me as far as counseling, social networks, and peace of mind. By no means would moving back to the states make everything better, I will still have my bad days, and things will still be hard when Brett is away, but it won’t be AS hard. Having family closer for support, if need be, will be much easier. Hopping a flight or jumping in the car would be much easier and less stressful. He says the process usually takes 3-4 months to get a new assignment. My therapist was not sure that they would bring him out of deployment early for that reason, but apparently they will bring him home as soon as orders arrive to help prepare for the move. So we may be home before the beginning of the next year, not sure yet.



It’s a crappy reason to be sent back and I feel extremely guilty for it. Sick to my stomach, actually. Dr. Tabije says that I should not feel guilty for it, that it’s not something that I can help, that’s why they have the program. I just feel like others are be full of opinions and judgements. Afterall, they are going thru it too. I worry that I will lose friendships over this. What are people going to say? Assumptions that I am only doing this to get Brett out of another deployment. As I suspected, dreaded, and knew would happen, there is already one person who thinks this is a deployment thing. He suggested that I just go out and get a job, or just getting out of the house will make everything better. Or if I became part of a group things will get better. After all, it worked for his wife, she has her own life now. This is from the one person that came to visit me while I was hospitalized, he’s a nice guy and I never expected those remarks from him. I am just glad Brett backed me up.



Do they think I like feeling like this?! I have had many nights where I have cried myself to sleep. I don’t just sit home and mope all day, everyday. I can’t help it, I hate it. I feel like a burden. I often wonder what the h*ll is wrong with me! I am not suicidal by any means. I could NEVER leave my kids or husband. One of my biggest fears actually is something happening to me while Brett is gone. How long will it take for someone to realize that I am in trouble, how long will my kids be uncared for, how would that traumatize them? Stuff that happens as a child can have a lasting effect in the future. One event, from 20 years ago, has a large impact on me still.



I have been dealing with this depression since high school, or at least that is when I first saw it in myself and became aware of it. I met my breaking point over here after my ectopic pregnancy and have been in counseling ever since, going on two years now. I have had jobs in the past and I am part of a group, as a matter of fact I am the Vice President of the MOMS Club over here. I have met some great ladies, a couple have become good friends. We have events and outings on the calendar at least 5 days a week. I don’t go to every event, but we get out to at least 3 events a week. It doesn’t just make everything better like some think. It’s the isolation, though I have periods of time when my spirits are up, I seem to always spiral back down, some times harder than others. Which is why Dr. Tabije thinks that we need to move back to where there are more resources for me as far as counseling, social networks, and peace of mind.



I don’t know what to expect next, which is stressing me out. I am not sure how much time we will have between Brett getting orders and the actual move. I had hoped that we would have the opportunity to visit other places while here, like London, Paris, Rome, and Ireland. Brett just seems to be gone frequently since getting here. Maybe someday we will have the ability to do so. For that reason, I wish we had a bit more time here.

He is not deployed yet, for security reasons I will let you know that information once he is in the air. However, I do have his mailing address that he will have once he is there. In addition to his address I have a list of items that can be sent in care packages, I know I will be referencing this list when it comes time to send a package. LOL Their chow hall will be closing down on 1 November and he will have to eat MRE’s, which I can only imagine that those aren’t any good.

Mailing Address

Brett Schroder (DO NOT USE RANK)
727 EACS DET 1/SCMR
APO, AE 09315

Care package ideas

• Protein Bars, power bars, nutritional bars
• Fruit: single serving size cans
• Instant oatmeal
• Honey roasted cashews, peanuts, trail mix, dried fruit
• Beef jerky, beef summer sausage (non-perishable; labeled USDA Beef)
• Single-serving bags of snacks, crackers
• Pop Tarts, cereal bars, granola bars
• Ramen Noodles, Cup-O-Noodles serving cups, Easy Mac®, Chow Mein Noodles
• Soups and other canned ready-to-eat meals (single serving) with pop-top
• Chicken or Tuna lunch kits (includes foil pouch of tuna,crackers, and condiments in each single-serving kit)
• Seasoning salts, flavoring salts (small packets)
• Popcorn (he likes the salt and pepper kind)
• Hard Candy (single wrapped)
• Cookies (homemade are yummy but unless packed in an airtight container they don’t always travel well, store bought will last longer)
• NO BAGGED chips!! They will not make the transition, ship in airtight container.
• Instant Coffee packets
• Hot cocoa mix packets
• Lemonade mix, Kool-Aid® mix
• Sugar and creamer packets for coffee (No artificial sweetener)
• Lip balm (Chapstick) is in high demand in desert areas.
• Eyedrops are to relieve dry eyes; AVOID eyedrops designed to remove redness (like Visine) as those will increase dryness and irritation caused by sand and storms in a desert climate.
• Sunblock (travel size or stick, SPF 30+)
• Throat Lozenges & Vitamin C Lozenges
• Aspirin, Motrin (Ibuprophen), Tylenol (Acetaminophen),Pain Relievers (small containers)
• Saline spray/drops for sensitive nasal passages
• Travel size packages of Q-tips
• Body wipes for personal hygiene (alcohol-free)
• Liquid hand sanitizers(no pump-style dispensers)
• Disposable hand sanitizing wipes
• 4-roll size Toilet Paper
• Shampoo (upon his request)
• Deodorant (upon his request)
• Liquid bodywash soap, liquid anti-bacterial soap (no bar soap or pump-style dispensers)
• Lotion, unscented, for dry skin (no pump-style dispensers)
• Kleenex (travel-size packets)

Well, once again it’s been a long time between posts. Sorry. Alot going on lately. Unfortunately part of the alot going on has not included any of the travel we had hoped to do over here. We will try that again after the deployment. We did manage to make it home for a visit, it was Brett’s first trip back home in two years. We wish it could have been longer. We are getting closer to the deployment now, really not looking forward to it at all. Hoping this will be the last one while we are over here, but I won’t hold my breath. We have two more years over here. Brett has been considering getting out after his contract is up in two years. He has some time to really be sure about it though. I am really looking forward to the day he does get out. No more deployments. I would rather have him home than the little bit extra in his paycheck every two weeks. It will be nice to be able to settle and buy a home for our family too.



When we returned home I had a cough that gradually improved, but then all of a sudden got worse with a fever and extreme fatigue. When I went to the doctor I got less than ideal care and compassion and was sent home with an inhaler and told to return if it got worse. It had gotten worse which is why I went in the first place. I didn’t even get to see a doctor. So I went to the ER the next morning and was sent home with three prescriptions, one of which was antibiotics. I was borderline pneumonia.



Colvin also ended up sick again after we returned. His was, once again, fever and fatigue. He didn’t even want to play video games. I took him to the doctor because he has been sick alot this year usually only with fever, fatigue, and occasional upset stomach. Never complains of sore throat or ear aches. He used to only get sick once a year or so. So the doctor ran a bunch of tests and everything but his urine came back normal. They found blood in his urine, had him retest a week later, and there was still blood but also an infection. We are taking him to the military hospital on Wednesday to see a urology specialist. They want to test his kidney function. So hopefully all turns out well with that, we have no idea what to expect on Wednesday.



Cailey is doing well. Since returning from the states I have gotten her potty trained. She will now tell me when she needs to go, I will ask her on occasion as a reminder to avoid accidents while she is playing. I have her signed up for a part day enrichment class at the daycare on base. Not sure when she will start. The class is full right now but she is 7th on the list.



I joined a group in March called MOMS Club (<--click for info about it) on the base which offers alot of support and friendship that I was lacking over here during the last deployment. We always have something going on during the week and sometimes weekends too, so that will keep me from sitting at home and depressed the whole time, I hope. I was actually elected as the VP for our chapter, never felt inspired to do anything like that before. It is such a great group which is why I ran for the VP position. So anyway, this week we started a facebook page offering up our skills and services. I have had people compliment on the pillows I made for the kids and said I should make them and sell them to others. So... that's what I did this afternoon. I hope I didn't bite off more than I can chew, ha-ha. Right now I have four orders totaling seven pillows, so that is not too bad, for now. Another activity to keep my mind occupied. With everything going on with the deployment, Colvin being sick, me being sick, potty training, and just ready to be out of Germany; I have been struggling. I have started feeling better physically, emotionally will take awhile, but I will get there.



Oh, and I am contemplating coming back at Christmas time. I won’t know until the time gets closer though.



I have alot of photos that I need to upload, I will hopefully get to that tomorrow, so check back.